all the emotions
I have wanted to write this blog post for awhile. I have a few blog posts all ready to go but this one felt more pressing right now. Yet, to be totally honest, I am conflicted and even scared to write this post. It deals with real world issues that are going on right now that are causing a lot of conflict and upset. This is not the forum to get into politics so I won’t - though I have a lot to say on that matter as well. This is a forum to discuss well being, health, wellness and finding a way of life that makes you feel whole. This is what I aim to focus on. I hope to focus on this because (honesty always) I feel like I have lost my way the last few weeks. I have so many emotions inside me that are causing me a sense of unease, interrupting my sleep, impacting my relationships with others and with my worldview.
I spoke with my incredibly wonderful and brilliant therapist this week (yes, therapists have therapists!). We discussed all the emotions that I feel have impacted me and that I didn’t feel that I had many safe outlets for them. All my usual coping mechanisms - meditation, connection, distraction - weren’t working so well. We discussed finding another outlet for them - especially the emotions I am not as used to, namely, anger. So much anger and frustration and fear! The way I think about it is - these emotions are like energy that have built up inside of me. That energy hasn’t had an outlet so its interrupting my functioning. I need to release that energy and writing about these emotions seemed like a great way to start. Journaling is a proven method to cope with our thoughts and emotions. I could do this privately. But I haven’t been joining the many incredible voices that have spoken up to support the Jewish and Israeli people (my people). This is my way of doing so. Though I hope it benefits people from every background as we are all deserving of well being, health and wellness.
Back to emotions. We often think about emotions as being positive or negative. Good emotions - happiness, joy, excitement…bad emotions - anger, sadness, fear. However, all the emotions are just that, emotions. They aren’t necessarily good or bad, they just are. They all serve or served a purpose for our safety - think greeting a bear in a forest with excitement and joy…might not end well. What is not helpful for our well being is when we hold onto the emotions that cause us upset or struggle to find the emotions that bring us a sense of well being. For myself, I am experiencing happiness and joy right now. I am grateful that I still have these moments and can enjoy them. What I am struggling with is letting go of the other emotions, the ones that are causing me distress. I don’t want to not feel them - the anger, frustration, outrage, fear; all mean that I care about what is happening. However, I want to be able to feel them but also let them go - not think about them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep.
Lets focus on that - letting go of emotions when they do not serve you in the moment.
Name it - Put a name or names to the emotions you are feeling. Sometimes it can feel like a giant swirling mess inside. But take some time to examine and put names to that mess. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Jealousy. Etc. Once we know what is going on inside, we can start processing it.
Accept it - There is no point fighting feeling some way. It won’t make the emotions go away. Usually it intensifies them. It can be uncomfortable and it takes practice. But it is a real start to be able to say “I feel angry” or “I feel sad” and sit with it. This is where it can be uncomfortable but feeling the feelings is part of our human experience. It takes work to do this so don’t expect it to be easy when you first try.
Release it - Find an outlet for that energy and emotion that is helpful for you. We want the outlets to be healthy coping mechanisms that help us release what we are feeling but also increase our wellness. Some ideas can be journaling, speaking with a trusted person, exercise, talking to a therapist, meditation, participating in a hobby, volunteering (giving back to others), distraction (read a book, watch a movie).
I am going to use my current state as an example of this process:
Name my emotions - Contentment, Anger, Frustration, Sadness, Confusion, Grateful, Disappointment.
Accept my emotions - It is okay that I feel all these emotions. I am content and grateful with where my life is. I feel anger and frustration for the situation that is happening and the world’s response to it. I am sad for my family who lives in the middle of it and for all those directly impacted by what is going on. I feel confused by the response I am seeing by the world on a whole and by people who I had a connection with. Disappointed by it too. The difficult emotions are sometimes louder than the others but I am trying to sit with them. Breathe through them.
Release my emotions - The first step I am taking is writing this blog post. I can feel some of the stuck energy has already left my body. I hope to put more of that energy into writing a meditation about letting go of emotions. I’ll post a snippet of it on my IG this week and try it out next Sunday morning in class. I will continue to speak to those I feel safe with. And reaching out in kindness to others.
This was a difficult post for me to write and it may have been for you to read. Lets end with taking a big deep breath in and out. And this quote by the Dalai Lama - “Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength”. Remember, this is compassion and tolerance towards others but towards ourselves too.
