acceptance

I feel like I have been talking about acceptance a lot lately.

Acceptance has a huge role in healing and moving forward. Without acceptance, how do you take a step forward. By acknowledging where you are, you can see where you want to go. There are a lot of things in life that are out of our control and when we fight against them, we just make ourselves unhappy or unsettled. Anxiety and depression can arise when you don’t accept.

Acceptance doesn’t mean to be complacent – it means to find peace within yourself in your reality – at this moment in time. In their book Mind Over Mood (2nd ed.), Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky clarify that “acceptance does not mean that we need to think positively about negative events or feel happy about things that we are experiencing…instead, acceptance of negative circumstances and of painful moods can create a foundation on which to move forward in a way that gives personal meaning to unhappy circumstances. Acceptance means that we acknowledge the difficulties in life, come to our own way of understanding them, and figure out how to live with them in ways consistent with our values and with what is important to us”.

I could not have said it any better!

Now for a personal share – in 2015, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, an autoimmune disease with no cure. After I was diagnosed, I did not want to believe that it was true. I would hear all these stories about how watching what you eat or doing this and that could “cure” it. But the reality is, there is no cure. With the right medication, you can live for a long time in remission but it will be my reality for the rest of my life.

When people asked me about it, I said all the right things but inside, I was falling apart. I was scared about what this meant for my future. I was angry that this was my new reality. And I had guilt that I felt this way because it could be so much worse.

I cannot pinpoint the moment that I accepted my situation but I know that when I did, I felt better. I will continue to do what I can to make myself feel as good as possible – eat healthy for me, be active, do things I love with people I love – but I will also accept that medication and doctor’s visits and medical tests are now a part of my life. I don’t let this devastate me…I just deal with it and move on. I focus on what I can control. I feel like I should also add an asterisk here – I am not perfect. I still have moments where I feel as I did before. However, I let myself feel those emotions, accept them for what they are. By doing so, I feel I move past them and to a place of calm much easier.

Acceptance is a difficult thing because it means coming to peace with the uncertainty of life. And uncertainty is uncomfortable and can create anxiety. BUT there can be peace within the discomfort. Sometimes beauty grows out of chaos.

For me, I had to say “I have a chronic illness BUT I won’t let it define me and I can still live my life to the fullest”.

You might have to say:

·         I have depression and I am struggling to feel good about my life right now. This does not make me bad or not good enough, it just is. In this moment, I will focus on surviving. And with help, I can find peace and light from where I am now.

·         I am stressed and overwhelmed managing the different aspects of my life (spouse, children, work, housework) and I need help. However, by admitting this, I am not weak or inadequate. It just is and now I can figure out how to change things.

·         My relationship has ended and I feel sad and angry. It is okay to feel this way because I thought I would be in a different place and I am mourning that I am not. One day I will find that the sadness and anger have left.

It is not an easy road to find acceptance but it is attainable. Whatever situation you are facing, it does not define you or necessarily mean that things will be just as they are in this moment. It just is. Accept and move forward. Find the mindset that works for you.